A little this and a little that = a sea of emotions.

Do you know what's the sad thing?

The sad thing is that I'm like this. I know I'm short, I'm fucking fat and fucking ugly. I know, like, seriously. I know my attitude is rotten, too. I honestly don't even know why you want to be with me, and why anyone even treats me as a close friend. Like, whatthefuck. Literally. WHATTHEFUCK. I'm actually glad that people know that I'm like this, and I'm actually glad that people call me that. Either that, or I'm just sad that they'd say that when I already know the truth. I know I do a lot of weird stuff, like do that timetable for you and go out with you and keep reaaaaaaaaaal quiet when I'm with you.

And to tell you the truth, I felt like breaking up. I really did. But if it wasn't for yesterday, I definitely would have. Until you told me that if you didn't really have that feeling, you wouldn't have even met me yesterday. And neither would you have done all those things with me, like hold my hand and stuff. I know your friends talk about this behind your back and mine, and I know I made you suffer miserably because I'm the cause of your friends making fun of you now. Like, all the time. And people around kept talking about us wherever we go, whether at the Mac Tables or the Canteen. People talk about it...I know.

And to tell you honestly, I was really upset today, when you told me you had wanted to skip Mother Tongue. I mean, you know you shouldn't have, but you did. And I know that I shouldn't talk about it and should just keep mum because I know that if we talked about this, it'll end up with quarrels and apologies. I know. So I kept quiet. I didn't want to talk at all, so I tried to fake it. Then I remembered Ted's hug from behind... Then remembered you holding my hand. It felt really awkward.. And turned out that nothing happened, until after school at the Canteen. You told me that your friends talked about me, and said that they acted as if they wanted to puke upon seeing me. It got me upset-er to the state I currently am in. But I'm keeping quiet, and I'm blogging. Not even you'd see this. But I really don't know what to do anymore.

I'm really confused.