I'm a fool to wait, but I'd wait forever if you'd come back one day.

School as normal. Planned the National Day cheer with my class, was fucking annoyed at those assholes. After school, slacked around and back to class for Mathematics ERP before heading to the Music Room. Kept looking at you.. And turned away, continuously. Decided to get it over with, but didn't have the guts to. So slacked with Ted, Patrine and Fenna for awhile. Then, headed into the Music Room after being persuaded by Ingrid and went in to watch Ted on the guitar. His voice was great, hopefully he gets enlisted! :D And as for you.., well...yeah. You did great.

I've really no fucking clue why I keep holding on.. Today, I watched you at the Audition, in the Music Room. Patrine and Fenna accompanied me. We just stood there, doing nothing and waiting for Ted and you to perform. Ted played the guitar and he sang great. And while you were dancing, well, you danced great. I was really stunned when I saw you do the cartwheel. I continued watching and started smiling to myself. But, when I saw you carry the girls, everything just changed. All my emotions went from happy to jealous to neutral to dead. You kept on carrying the girls, each one of them. And also, they went on top of you... To tell you the truth, I was really so fucking jealous that I just wanted to cry and leave. But because my friends were around, and considering the crowd, I just kept quiet and continued watching until the end. 

I got really agitated, and I left immediately after you guys were done and went back to your seats. I saw you hug your male friends. But then again, what right do I have to care, what right do I have to get jealous? I've lost all my rights since 7th of June, I've no rights to care about you anymore. All that you do, all that you say. And now, I've really no guts to look up to you nor look you in the eyes anymore. After today, I'm really scared of caring and getting into relationships anymore. Today, both my exes were there. Both you and Ted. I was really scared, but I decided to get it over with. But soon, that confidence went away after your dance. I cried, and as I type these words, the tears still continue to fall. I'm just afraid that one day, I'd go mad and just do the most insane things I'd swore I'd never do. 

I just can't stop myself from not thinking of you for even a second, and it's pathetic. Sorry.. I'm really lost...