Inconsolable.

The world has changed, to the point where I don't seem to quite fit in. Everyone seems so happy, yet I'm all alone with no one there by my side and the lies have taken every last breathe out of my life. I'm confused, when no one is there who really understands me. I'm on my own. I'm not happy with everything/anything anymore. It's all the fake smiles.

I pretend to be happy, but how long can I pretend? I really can't hold this any longer. All the happiness is bleeding through an open wound. I can't control what goes on inside this hell. I lost myself in everything, everything I can't find. Life's been a bitch for me. I can't continue being like this every single day, I hate the past, I hate the situation I'm in now. I hope the future would be better for me.

I'm on the verge on giving up everything, I don't wanna care anymore. I wanna cry, but there isn't anymore tears for me to cry. It's all dried up.. We've to learn to expect the unexpected.. Life is just so unfair. :( I just felt that everyone is starting to leave. I understand people come and go, it's expected. But why do you have to go? It's been a while since you've been gone and nothings ever been the same. I miss you more than you'll ever know.

I'm sorry I constantly wanna talk to you. I'm sorry when you take long to reply, I get sad. I'm sorry if I say things that pissed you off. I'm sorry if I come off as annoying. I'm sorry for being an ass sometimes. I'm sorry if you don't wanna talk to me as much as I wanna talk to you. I'm sorry if I think about you too much/too often. I'm sorry if it comes off as being clingy, it's because I miss you..

I wonder.. When will my longing for you end? When will the sun rise up again? The voices in my head got me asking over and over.. When will I be strong enough to fight? It's time to realize that your gone and there's nothing I can do. You won't be back.. What I'm feeling is I don’t wanna talk to anybody? I don’t want to smile and I don’t want to fake being happy, but at the same time, I don’t know exactly what is wrong either.

There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If I could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting, and being alone never was. At least when I'm alone, no one constantly asks me what is wrong and there isn’t anyone who won’t take, ‘I don’t know’ as an answer. I feel the way I do just because, I hope the feeling will pass soon and that I will be able to be myself again, but until then all I can do is wait..

I'm running short of breath with every step. I'm in need of oxygen to run away from this. It's hard to breathe.