I feel left out so often. Sometimes I feel that I don't belong to anywhere, and that there's no one there to ever support me. No one has truly bothered to care, no one I can rely on and will be there forever even though they promised they would. Everyone's just faking it and being a backstabber when I'm not looking and when I'm at my weakest. To them, I'm nothing. I've a rotten attitude afterall- I'm demanding, I make everyone do all the dirty work, I make everything much more confusing than it was in the first place and I screw everything up.
I know I get high at times and get annoying all the time, and I'd get pissed and emo at the most minor of things. I'm petty, I'm rude and I'm an embarrassment to anyone and everyone who gets close to me. I trouble everyone and burden everyone with my mere existence. I'm stupid and I'm just such a bitch. I gossip about people when I'm no better myself. I always give up halfway and I never do pay attention to what people say for me to change myself for the better. I think I understand how you feel all the time, now.
I think I finally know what it's like to be alone all the damn time and trust no one, not even yourself. I'm sorry I never did try to understand you and always blamed you and just didn't try talking heart-to-heart with you. I thought of only myself and I always thought that the world revolved around me and I never did bother to care about you and your feelings. I'm sorry I didn't give you my everything and didn't trust you enough. You did the right thing to leave me. You made me realize how immature I was.
But I feel that I still am that immature kid, and it seems I can't change. I'm such a disappointment, aren't I? I'm sorry.. I guess I should just shut up now. Just know that..I'm still around. I promise you: The next time we talk, I won't be the same anymore. It's just like your info, even if it's just song lyrics: If we ever meet again, I will never be the same.
Sometimes, when I get really lonely at night and I don’t know what to do, I wrap my arms around my teddy bear as tightly as I can, pretending that I’m really holding on to you. I do this because I miss you so much and it seems as if hugging my bear makes the pain go away. Every once in a while it feels the same as when I’m with you, except your arms don’t tighten around me, I don’t feel your lips on my neck, or you cheek against mine. Okay it isn’t the same, in fact, it kinda makes me feel even lonelier. It isn’t you in my arms, but I do it anyway. Because I don’t like giving up hope cause it’s brought you to me in the first place. And maybe one day, when I’ve kept my hope long enough, I won’t have to pretend you’re my teddy bear.
So, I remember when I was love sick. I block out everyone. I feel so tired, because I haven’t slept in forever. I know that he’ll be in my dreams, but I don’t want to stay awake laying in my bed crying either. I’m starving, but I can’t eat because I’m starving for him and every memory just leaves me a bigger hole in my heart. Even my clothes remind me of him what I wore when we hung out. I can still smell him all over them, even though his scent hasn’t been there for long. I wish his scent would be stuck on me, but I know I’d be pulling at my skin trying to get him off me. I’m online, he signs on, and I want to yell at him to go away, but I just watch the screen waiting for him to say anything, but then he signs off, and I tear myself apart for not saying anything to him. I stop talking to my friends, and they get worried and try comforting me, but they just make me feel worse because they think they know, but they don’t they don’t have a damn clue.
When I’m not there, do you think of me? When you’re sad and something’s bothering you, do you wish I was there to help comfort you? When you’ve had a long hard day, do you smile knowing that soon you’ll be seeing me, and everything will seem better, even if it’s just for a moment? When you lay down at night, do you look back and cherish the new memories you’ve made with me? And when you get up in the morning, does everything inside of you smile, knowing that this will be another day that we’ll be together? Because that’s how I think of you.
You’re looking at him across the room wondering just how it all slipped away so soon. You’re looking to find some look in his eyes that will take you back to yesterday. Don’t remember the when or the where or why. All you know is that something has changed inside and you can’t bring it back no matter how you try. You know it’s over, you’ve got to say goodbye. It’s such a shame, when lovers become strangers. It’s such a shame, when you don’t know each other any more and all the memories that you shared are all that’s still there. </3
Baby, I can't sleep tonight.. I miss you so much. I'm so sorry but I love you.
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