Balestier Hill Secondary; FunFit Camp'11.

So...sorry for not updating :/ Recently, some stuff's been on my mind.

ZS is sick, I had FunFit camp.

So yeah...he was down with high fever on Thursday and Friday, last two days of school. Missed him fucking much and didn't get him to cheer me up for my results because I know it's just going to make him more depressed and disappointed with me. And like, yeah. I had to write 200 lines of punishment for Miss Ng, but ended up writing 105 only. Bet I'll face more punishment when school reopens, or when she calls out for my name during ChineseOrchestra. (...)

So like yeah. Went for the camp...

Day 1: Attended the camp with Justin Joyomitro, ChinMing, ZhengYu, JustinPang, ZongXiang, Hendra, KaiXuan, Hafizah, and myself. Had lunch with Joyomitro and ChinMing before heading to the I&E Room for briefing. Planned the dance with them and Julian Lee, played games etc etc. Had Ice-breakers for a start, played Whacko. Kinda' boring... Got to know some people there, hung with the girls; Era, Kimberly, Shahira and Jasmine, together with Hafizah and Nabilah. Awesome people.

Then, did all sorts of stuff before dinner(at last). Ate with Hafizah, ChinMing and Julian Lee at the last table before the stone tables. Then, went for night walk with the P.E Leaders after walking around the Needlework room and I&E Room with Hafizah. Headed to the street soccer court, then to the basketball court then to the classrooms. Walked around level 1 and 2. All of us ran quickly, without anyone wanting to be behind, then Justin was like, "Eh everyone run sia!"

The guys headed to the Computer Lab while us girls headed to the Needlework room and went to shower. Had reflections for the night for the FunFit students while we slacked around. At about 11, headed to the canteen and found Edmund Choo with Joyomitro and ChinMing. Played Poker with ChinMing, ZhengYu and Justin, while the girls and Joyomitro slacked at one side. Surfed Facebook with Joyomitro's iPhone. Headed to bed with Nabilah at midnight. Lights out, didn't have pillows and the sofa was hard :\ Had a hard time sleeping, froze in bed... Had to go pee in the middle of the night. -.-

Day 2: Woke up with the rest and found Joyomitro with the rest at the canteen. Did 5BX with Karamjit I/C, embarrassing tothemaximum, zzz, the poses were super erxin tothefuckingmax. Then, had breakfast, before going to the I&E Room to slack. Headed out again and to the basketball court while guys played soccer and I used Joyomitro's iPhone again. Took photos and uploaded to Facebook ;x Played badminton with ChinMing before heading back, kinda' quarreled with him. Sorry..

Saw Ted outside the Music Room. (...) Punched a pillar before going back and out again to slack with Nabilah at the tables outside the I&E Room. Broke off from camp and said bye to ChinMing, ZhengYu and Justin. Joyomitro walked off soon after. Slept from 12.30 to 6, power siol. So yeah, currently blogging... 

Dear piggy ZhanSong, my one and only boyfriend:

Hi. I really hope you're doing fine.. I don't know how to make you feel better, really... Bii, wo zhen de, zhen de super xiang ni ;( Feel like crying now, like fuck, what kind of a pathetic girlfriend am I?! I can't even take care of you, can't even look you up and cook something for you. I'm useless aren't I? Fuck. Sometimes I wish I wasn't here, then maybe you wouldn't have kept your hopes so high and wouldn't have had to worry for me all the time.. And you obviously wouldn't be so emo if I was never with you.

I don't know why you'd do all these for me, I don't know why. I love you bii :( 

Take care, please.. You'll be leaving soon...fuck, I'd really fucking miss you so much that I'd cry and maybe, get all worked up and violent again. Shit, fuck it all.. Don't wanna cry...

This year's June Holidays sucks.

My heart grows fonder of you every day.

Today, went out with bii, Xiaofang and TengYao. <3

Hehehe. So...we kinda' planned it beforehand, but because I didn't remind dajie, she kinda' made plans with my brother and instead of going to meet bii directly, we met only after he was off from work >< Nyaa. Sooooo, I went out with TengYao and met Xiaofang at Admiralty, headed to KFC and bought our lunch, before going up to her house and meeting Xiaopai and Xiaoxiao. Played hide-and-seek with them for awhile before going out to meet bii, alone. :( Was kinda' lonely, and I looked so kiddy. Haha, I borrowed dajie's shorts, but still I looked so weird :$ So bii went to buy tickets first because I took veryy long, and we met at Serangoon MRT station, he wore pink top and white pants, and brought a jacket :3 Then, we went to NEX and headed to the moooooovies at Level 4 ^^ Held hands and walked around the level because I was super bored and ended up in Popular and raked up his past :s Nyaa. I swear, he is fucking sweet ttm >< So we went to the cinema and held hands, then the ticket office guy was like, looking at us .__. LOLLL. Hahaha, so we went into the cinema, had some laughter and he called me a pervert for smelling his jacket ( :P ), and watched Pirates of the Caribbean; On Stranger Tides. I'd rate it 7.5/10, was kinda' boring, until some funny scenes ^^ But, I am scared of mermaids now :( Kissed bii on the cheek and had 2 kisses, one during the movie which was super short, and after the movie, which was for a few seconds. And in the lift also :x Hahaha. But, soon after that, got into trouble. MY BROTHER BLEW MY COVER. Father got really mad, and I stayed at dajie's house with my brother. They ate porridge while I was talking to them on what to say, and we ended up coming up with a plan to lie saying that I went to the movies with Patrine. LOLLL. I miss you bii :'( Wanna' spend more time with youuu. </3

I love you, Ong Zhan Song. <3

請你原諒我不懂逗你開心，請你原諒我不懂聽你的心。

Dear ZhanSong,

I'm sorry for constantly being a wet blanket. I'm sorry for always being so pessimistic and having you go through those emotions with me. I'm sorry for forbiding you to talk about porn, sex or anything perverted. I'm sorry for always putting my friends first before you. I'm sorry for always being such a bitch and disappointing you. I'm sorry for being like this, ZhanSong, really.

Bii, the only thing that I'm not willing to do for you is to have premarital sex with you. I don't want us to be like how Victor Goh said; that I'd lose my status as a "goddess" and be demerited to a "slut". I don't want you to think I'm easy and then break up with me just because of all the small misunderstandings that'll soon build up after doing it. I know what I'm doing and saying, I don't want to lose you.

But if I don't, I'd lose you, maybe. I don't know. I'm really helpless, aren't I?

You know, Juztin talked to me two nights ago while you were at the temple. He told me to cheer you up by talking about weird stuff, and mostly about boobs. And Victor Goh talked to me too. He told me that if you truly mattered, I would love you wholeheartedly without Jonathan nor Ted burning in my mind, in my memories. But, he also told me not to give in just because you asked me to. Bii, zhen de, zhen de hen dui bu qi. Ke shi, chu le shuo dui bu qi, wo hai neng zuo shen me? What can I do, to prove it to you that I mean what I say, that I am sincere in my apologies? I'm really scared of losing you. Really.

I don't want anyone else to have you. And I meant it, when I said that I wanted to be your wife.

If I could, I would. I just want to hold you close, and never, ever let go. No matter what.

But bii, can we do that? I'm really scared of history repeating itself, scared of the pain. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to land myself in heartbreaks anymore. Bii, I really, really love you. And, you're never alone. Trust me, because I'm always here. No matter the distance, I'm here. Believe in me, I'll stay by your side forever if you'd let me, if God'll let me. Bii.., wan an.. Wo ai ni...

My chest hurts.

Happy First Monthsary!

ZhanSong:

Happy One Monthsary! Bii, throughout this whole month, I've made you emo a lot and made you suffer with me because of my depression. And I've caused many misunderstandings and quarrels between my friends and yours, just like Colin and Amani. I'm sorry :( We've not done much yet, though, just meet-ups around my house every Friday >< And I always didn't let you do anything perverted because of my aroused fears..

Bii, I'm sorry for making you go through all this for me. Just for someone like me.. (...) And I'm sorry for posting our rants on the internet and getting Colin pissed at Amani and me. Wo yi hou bu gan le. :'( Bii, I really really love you, a whole damn lot. And especially, I'm the type who'd take relationships seriously, so bii, I really hope our relationship will last until marriage. I don't mind being your wife, I want to!

I don't want to continuously get my heart broken.. And you've never done it. You didn't break me, I broke myself. And yet, even so, you picked up the pieces, even though they made you bleed.. Bii, if I could, I'd hug you so tight and never let you go. I just want me in your arms and you in mine. I want your lips to be with mine, and I want to be sweet and loving as all the other couples. I don't give a fuck about what people say and I don't care if you don't buy gifts, so long as you have the sincerity, I'd love you wholeheartedly. <3

Bii, I really love you. Don't ever leave okay, I promise to try my best to change and not be a bitch. :(

I promise to be mature one day. I promise to change. PROMISE. ><

Wo ai ni, <3. Happy First Monthsary!

Love is a haunting melody that all may play, but none may master.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm. So yeah, it's MOTHER'S DAY today!

Well, on 6th May, I had my Mother Tongue and Geography paper, and so did ZhanSong. I kinda' screwed up, as usual. *sighh. Then, after the Mother Tongue paper, I headed to the canteen and texted ZhanSong, and he passed by me, but I didn't notice because I was searching for something in my bag, then Azmi coughed so loudly that it was so god damn bloody obvious that he and ZhanSong were there ._. LOL. So, kinda' walked pass the Secondary 3s and their temporary territory, the parade square. People were like, staring at me and Amani. :( Maybe only me. ARGH. Sooooooo, yeah, he headed for his paper, and he was really depressed so I got affected too.. Didn't eat for Recess, and I couldn't really concentrate on my Geography paper at all... Then, headed home and tried to cheer him up. As always, I failed. But I think he felt better. Well, at night, he looked for me at the 5th floor of this block, and we kinda' make-ed out, like, kissed, hugged and stuff. I totally blushed! >< Then it was like, I was taking the initiative in trying to go closer to him when we were about to kiss, like wtf? LOLOL. HAHAHA. I'm sooooo retarded~ So yesterday was boring, stupid elections flooded my whole Facebook newsfeed though -.- Chat-ed with ZhanSong and kinda' got a little emo again.. ;/ Then, the next morning(today), while I was still asleep, he texted me and sent me the mushy messages >< So sweet please! Ohmygod, I love him ttvm. Fucking sweet can! I don't think I'd ever find someone better than you, ZhanSong. I love you <3

Countdown: 8 Days.

Love in the heart is like an ice block in the bottle.

Happy Birthday Melissa! So...yeah. Another ordinary school day, as always.

Before morning assembly, talked to HsinYu and SingYing, slacked at the parade square while texting ZhanSong. Then, received a text from him to go to his class. Kissed lip-to-lip twice, both being quite long, kinda' touched tongues and stuff...I guess that was a french kiss? .__. Well, whatever it is, I didn't feel quite comfortable after it. But I know I did like it. :$ Walked out of his class, saw Miss Kang and some other teachers walking pass. Headed to the parade square and saw HuiShan, his classmate. She looked at him like...err, well, weird. :\ So sat at class, Amani sat behind me. Talked, chat, slacked. Azmi was doing flag raising commander duty today, as on every Thursday. Then, back to class. First was...Maths. Did work, paid attention and nearly fainted. -.- Got chided by Miss Ng because I owed her some work. :\ Then, Literature. Slacked. Mother Tongue, wrote letter-writing format and did some worksheet. Next, Food&Nutrition. Went through some work. Recess, ate with Amani. Kenji stole my stone table seat -.- Thenn, Geography. Paid attention, nearly died :\ Double Art, Julian Lee and Miss Kang took relief. Copied notes that Mrs Ching gave onto my notebook. Then, Pastoral Care. Did more work. Went to meet ZhanSong at the Canteen, got disturbed by Azmi, JiaWei and some others. -.- Went home. Emo-ed like fuck, ZhanSong too..

I want to be the first person you see, when you wake up, every morning.

I want to spend forever with you.

Ever since I've started talking to you, over the weirdest topic one could ever think of, on Facebook, I began to smile to myself without even noticing. And on that date, we played a game and instead of letting it stay as merely a game, it became real. We went out, we held hands, we hugged, we kissed, and we had our ups and downs, though no quarrels. I hope our relationship would stay like this, positive and loving to the end. But of course, I want to grow closer to you. Did you know, my heart grows fonder of you as each day passes, and I want to spend every second, minute, hour and day with you. But of course, you need your space, and I need mine. And we can't stay with each other forever because there's a place and time that we have to part, regardless of how deep or shallow our love is. I want your lips to be with mine, I want to feel your chest against me, I want to hear you whisper "I love you" in my ear before kissing my cheek like how you did, outside my house. I miss it all. Though you're not that good looking, but you have the personality I want. You're perfect in my eyes. And you told me that I am, in your eyes. Though I'm short and fat and have an attitude problem, you gave in to me continuously and held me tight, close to your heart. You stole the keys to my heart, my dear, and you've locked it up with yours, throwing the keys away. I'm yours to keep, and I wish that you'd never break my heart, ever. I love you. Counting down: 12 days.

In the end, it's gonna be the memories that kill me.

I made this personal blog, for the emotions I'll be going through throughout the relationship.
160420111753 was the date when we got together. At first, it was merely a game. So many people fell for it, I found it hilarious. So did you, I think. We hung out after school and before, you helped me with my Mathematics, I wrote your after-school timetable for you, and I really took you for a real boyfriend. Then, we soon got together for real, and went out on 240411. You put your hand across to my right arm and held me close, like we were a real couple, in the cinema. We held hands, and you nearly pecked me on the cheek, I think. We did talk to each other, too. And on 290411, you came down to Toa Payoh Lorong 4 and visited me. That day, we hugged and I pecked you on the cheek. That night, you sent me this: "I want to be in the same place where anyone had occupied your heart. But this time, baby, I want to stay. I love you." I cried the very next morning, when I saw that text. And, just yesterday, we kissed. It was my first. I thought I could trust you with my heart, and I literally would have given you my all. But, instead, here you are, not texting me. I'm in the wrong, I know, but I don't know what I can do to make up for it.. I really feel like crying right now. Please, just a text. Even if just a text that says, "Okay." or "Ok.", I'd be happy and contented enough. At least I'd know that you're there. I really don't know what to do. How long can we last? 13 more days, to our first monthsary. FIRST. But, can we make it? I don't know.

Tonight, I dedicate my heart to you.

I’m so in love with you. I get a fluttery feeling in my stomach every time I see you, and it feels like I’m flying high in the sky. With you, I get all those stereotypical feelings of being in love. I’m so glad we met, and I don’t care what anyone else wants to say or think about our relationship. I don’t care that you’re older than me. I don’t care that we’re in a long distance relationship for the time being. I want to work hard and make things work. For now, I’ll treasure all the times when you come down and visit me. I’ll treasure those tender kisses and the tears you let me cry on your shoulder as you hold me close. This is the most depressing and happiest time of my life, and I couldn’t be more content with the way things are. I love you so much, dear. I hope that one day, you can call me your wife, and I can call you, my husband. I hope to fall asleep in your arms as you lay your hand on my stomach, large and awkward shaped because I’ll be carrying our child. I don’t care if people criticize me for loving someone so wildly and fearlessly. This feels so right and I know this feeling will never happen a second time. You’re my everything, dear. I want to spend forever with you.