If one day, you ever see this blog and all of its contents, I just hope you'd miss me. I just hope you'd regret not wanting me back. I just hope you'd show a little concern. Anger, jealousy, sorrow or happiness, just...something. It's like, fuck, I don't even know what to do to make you talk to me. It's as if we never were together and everything was just a dream. How would you want me to believe that? It's like, my wildest fantasy come true. And then everything crashes and I wake up from my dream. Like, fuck, where did it all go? Why did it fade? I guess it was time. Time would prove true love. I guess you didn't love me. Now, I'm just afraid of getting over you. Because I know that when I get over you, more people will come into my life. And I'm to face it all over again. I don't want to. I just want you. No one else.
I'm afraid of the fact that I'd lose you forever. I'm afraid of the fact that I'd cry if you leave forever. I'm afraid of the fact that you'd treat me so coldly as if we were arch-enemies. I'm afraid. I'm human, this is me. I'm THIS fragile. And you broke me. When you promised not to. Why did you have to promise me that when you couldn't keep it, why did you promise so many things and just left them hanging and leaving them? I'm sorry that I sound like I'm pushing all the blame to you since I was partially at fault. Because of my personality, looks, everything. I was flawed, and I still am. I often called you nasty things like bastard, asshole, and often made fun of your name.. I'm sorry. It was all my fault. If only I noticed how you felt sooner. If only I bothered to show even the slightest bit of concern. If only I cared.. If only I made the effort to give rather than take all the time, if only I tried to make the relationship work out..maybe things would've turned out different. Maybe we'd still be together. Maybe...maybe we'd keep our promises; to be with each other.
Right now, I'm sorry for being like this. I really have no one to go to. Everyone's like a stranger to me. No one close to me, no one cares anymore. Everyone was just curious; they never cared. I could've sworn you did. But I guess you don't anymore, since this is what has become of me. I don't know what came over me. I feel lost. Everything's so far away yet the distance is so near. Everyone's laughing out there. And I'm over here, alone, with nothing. The only thing I've ever relied on was myself. And the only things I could have ever confined into and pour out all my emotions to is the babypooh which represents you, and this blog. This blog has kept all my thoughts. I can't write in a diary since it would get unlocked sooner or later. This blog's not safe either since it's easily hacked and visible to the blogger creators. But...it's like the only thing that I can vent everything to, and feel better. Though it won't reply. Sometimes a listening ear is all I need.
I guess I just have to get used to being single. I don't want to go into a relationship anymore. Honestly, I still am bent on the idea that I want no one but you. It's just you. I don't know why I love you even. You're not the most perfect, but I just do. And I don't know what went wrong, don't know why you went away.. But...if you won't talk to me, then no matter what I do, you just won't tell me anything. I miss you.
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