Friday, 19 August 2011
The end is nearing.
I didn't get to say hi to you today after all. I've been told stuffs about you recently, and I know of a few of your exes, crushes and stuffs. But there were other stuffs your friend didn't tell me. She didn't want to even though she knew I might get mad, and she apologized for not being to tell me. I think you skipped soccer practice today. I guess so, since your examinations are coming up really soon. I really hope you'll score well this time, successfully be accepted into 4E2 next year without complications.
Today, I saw you marking your attendance and was walking by at the corridors of the Biology Laboratory, as usual. Natalie and some other girl accompanied you and you said bye to them and passed by the CABIN. I think I saw you turn your back, but I know I didn't get to see you. And that friend who didn't tell me stuffs about you, made me change my mindset of you now. I've been telling myself that I could get you back one day but sadly, it's all fake. It'll never happen. And who knows, you might have a new crush by now. If it's anyone in your class, someone like Yeehuan, I'd be happy. She's nice, ain't she?
Yeah, I'm fat and flat, I'm clumsy and I don't know what to say nor do at the right situation. I overreact, I scream and shout, I'm such a klutz and a tomboy and I'm stupid and can't do anything right. But...I do try my best to do things. Even though I might look like an idiot, I do try. And sometimes I screw up, but I'd laugh off it now. I won't pressurize myself too much but I'd always try just a little too much before realizing it's futile. I know I'm ugly and depressing to be with but...I really loved you. I really did.
Whenever I heard your name, I'd smile to myself secretly and hopefully eavesdrop in a conversation about you when other people are talking. When people called me "Zhansong" in the past, I used to always tell them to shut up. I still do, but the difference is that, now, you're no longer mine. Whenever I heard your voice and thought about you, I'd laugh and smile to myself and people would think I'm mad but I'd think I'm perfectly fine, which is true. Whenever I told you I love you, I meant it..
But now, everything's gone. You're gone, everyone is gone. No one exists in my heart now, and I feel so empty. I used to always wonder why we broke up, I used to always wonder if you still felt the same way as in the past. I used to always wonder if you remember and keep all the memories and stuffs I gave to you. And now, I still do go to your profile every day. I do still keep the keychain I wanted to give to you. I still do write many stuffs about you. And I don't know how long it'll take but I just hope I'll be over you, really soon. 'Cause I'm tired of crying and feeling sad. I'm tired of screaming and going high when all I want to do is just sigh and roll into a ball and just kill my emotions. I'm tired..
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