Imperfection.

Didn't update yesterday 'cause I was super tired and went to sleep, and after I woke up I didn't want to so yeah. No one cares anyways so I guess it's my choice to see if I want to blog or not I guess?

Yesterday:
School-ed as per usual. Passed by you outside the canteen, but I turned away.. Stayed back after school and saw a lot of people that I didn't really want to see, and you were having some workshop and left only at 5.30.

Today:
Felt really unwell but still managed my way to school. Went to school and met up with Patrine. Headed to the canteen and saw you, eye contact for a second and I turned away while you continued talking to your friend, behind the pillar which was in front of the drinks stall. Went back and went again with Fenna. This time, you were gone. Went for FunFit duty with LiMing and met up with Amani and ZhiCheng. Went to the gym with Karamjit and the Bravo group. Said hi to ChinMing and Joyomitro while going back to the street soccer court to collect my bag with ZhiCheng and headed back to class.

Classes as usual. Literature, then History, and for the first time, I didn't sleep in Science class and was in fact, participating in the practical activities Iskandar wanted us to do. :o Recess, with Fenna and Patrine. Changed and went back to class. CME, slacked around and then, double Maths. Scored 32/50 for my Maths test, happygirl97! ^~^ *applause* But, failed my History and Chinese, by 3.5 and 1.5 marks respectively. F U C K. Went to Square 2 and United Square with Patrine, Fenna, Winny and Sabine.

Back to school and passed by Jordan and Sean. Saw Karthik going down while we were going back to school and parted ways with Fenna and Winny as they went for Dance rehearsal. Was slacking outside the hall and Patrine and Sabine were enthusiastically anticipating Zs' performance while I kept hiding. Colin was there, too. Joey, Yeehuan and Jolene passed by me and Jolene guailan-ed. First was Azman's group, then Ted&Karl, then 3E2. The dance was amazing but...hilarious at the same time. Couldn't stop laughing and Yeehuan kept looking this way while you were dancing away happily..


I wish I was the girl that everyone liked. I wish I was the girl that was flawless, and beautiful. I wish I was the girl that was famous all around school. I wish I was the girl that no one hated. I wish I was the girl that you would love. Sometimes, I just dream of perfection. I just wish, that hate didn't exist. That love didn't exist. Sometimes, I just dream a little too much. I keep thinking that..you'd come back. But every single time I see you, my heart just breaks a little more than I can handle. My mum and friends recently asked me how I'd be celebrating my birthday. I don't know what to tell them. I want to celebrate with you just like how Joey did but..we're not talking, we're not friends, we've had a past. I know how awkward it'll be so I guess it's just my imagination but secretly, I just wish..

I've been feeling really unwell lately. There's been some problems in my body that I've no idea how to put in words nor describe, and I feel like I'm a completely different person. It just feels so uncomfortable and I feel so...unbelonging. I don't know what's going on but..I'm scared. I'm scared of what might happen to me. I don't want to regret anything nor have anything wrong with me at such a young age. I'm not even 14 yet. And for the first time in my life, I really need someone here to tell me everything's going to be alright, that nothing will go wrong, that it's just my hallucinations working up. But...even if they do tell me, something just doesn't feel right. And right now, I just want to hug you and tell you how much I miss you. I just..am thinking too much. And I've no idea how to tell you at all, so I just keep bottling it up, time and again.