160420111753 - 070620112340.

Okay, so...I'm single now. Day 1 of being single. Haha.

Well, ZS went to Indonesia by ferry this morning. Wish I had made him stay, mentally. But there are things that I have to accept and let go off, even if I don't want to. Because leaving things as they are, it'll obviously hurt both of us more so long as we hold on longer. :'/ I wish I knew how to be a better me, to have made you stay, to have kept your heart locked up with mine. To have you loving me.

So yup...you're gone now. You idiot, why did you have to leave?! ); I bet I was a horrible girlfriend to you, wasn't I? If only I gave up that one thing you asked for, if only I did better as my status of your girlfriend, if only I cared more. Maybe you would have stayed. But it's all too late..

Ni hai ji de mah? When we first talked. You asked me if your hair look like shit. Then we chat on endlessly, with all random topics, and we made up jokes that no one else would've understood. Then we decided to put the relationship just for the fun of it. Malvis liked it, you told me that the news would've spread like wildfire. And it did. On the next school day, your classmates that were in Chinese Orchestra kept disturbing me about this, even Nathaniel and JiaEn and the rest. Haha. Then, we went out. And then we met below my house, I hugged you and pecked your cheek. Then, 2nd May, I gave you my first kiss. 

Then after that, 5 May, we had our first long kiss in your classroom, then a few on 6 May. And we proceeded like that, even when exams were going on. Oh yeah, I think I told you before, I wrote your name in my composition. Haha. It was a little lame though. 26 April; Do you still remember the cookies? Juztin said they were nice, Ivy and Esther stole them. :P Then...we went out again, in May. And at the evening, you were with your friends, Jarell and YuenFone. And I was with my dajie and korkor planning on how to lie to my parents about me sneaking out because my korkor blew my cover. ;\ Then you comforted me. I lost my freedom, though. And you soon came down with fever and sore-eyes. I headed for the FunFit Camp. Then...Jarell and YuenFone went to your house, but you didn't tell me. And when I asked if you headed to school, you told me, "Of course. You asking stupid question." and when I asked you if you've eaten, you told me, "Lunch of course la. You asking stupid question again. Dinner haven." It made me cry, like totally. :/

I didn't expect us to last this short, though. Ted lasted for 141 days, without hugs nor kisses. Yours lasted for 52, with the two. :'/ I was disappointed that you didn't have feelings for me anymore, but even more disappointed with myself for letting you go just like that. If I could, I would go up to you right now, go on my knees, and beg you to stay. But even so, nothing will make you stay. I bet you were sick and tired of me.

I'm sorry for having been a horrible girlfriend towards you throughout these 52 days. I'm sorry for always guailan-ing you and kp-ing you all this time. I'm sorry for always doubting you. I'm sorry for always getting so emo all of a sudden, and affecting your mood. I'm sorry for not having been a better me. I'm sorry for not changing, for still being so immature; for apologizing so much. I'm sorry ZhanSong, really.