I'm not expecting much. Just what an ordinary boyfriend would do.
I just want some concern, some care in this cold and relentless world. It's dark. It's lonely, without you. I sent you a text last night regarding why you're feeling so moody lately. You didn't reply in the morning. I thought I got you angry, so I told you to take it as if I've never sent that text before. But I don't know, now, if I should apologize for listening to J and sending you that text, or to take it as you're busy and am working. I don't know, it's after your work hours, but you haven't sent a single reply. Not even a blank text. I don't know why, but I keep crying lately. :'/ It's not tears of happiness, quite the opposite. I keep missing the ZhanSong I knew and I vowed to, to always love, from the start of the relationship. I keep remembering how you were, how you always acted, how you always looked at me, how you always told your friends to go away or shut up, jokingly, when they disturb us because we were together in the canteen.
From that second we put our relationship status, we've attracted quite a huge number of people. They know either of us, and they tend to disturb us over this. But we've never cared. At least, I didn't.. I didn't mind them disturbing us because I knew it was a joke. But soon, I did. Because after you told me that you were taking this relationship for real, things became much colder, things became serious. I could never look at you the same, nor could I play along with you anymore. I had to take you for real; my boyfriend. I had to care, and I had to let go of Ted. And I did. But I'm not sure if you did too, for J. You told me you did, and you ensured me that your heart belongs to me, and only me. But now...I'm not sure if you'd say the same. Every time I read through the Archived Messages in my phone, I'd always smile to myself because all they had were simple yet sweet texts that always made my day. Remember when you said that I was sot because I misunderstood you for being sad? You told me that you could only be sad over me, nothing else. I'm not sure but...what is the cause of your sadness now?
I know you're recovering, so you're really sian lately, but...not even a text? :'/ I know you're disappointed in me for being banned from going out, and for me to straightforwardly tell you that I want you to come over despite me already knowing that you can only come on Fridays. I think you think I suck. Yup, I do. Because I'm a pathetic girlfriend who can't even do shit and can't even speak up for myself, much less for you. You have your friends who dotA with you a lot. I saw your wall posts with J. If it wasn't for me taking the fucked up initiative to ask you to put the relationship status, I doubt you would never have taken me for real, much less, as a girlfriend. And all those outings, hugs, kisses and vows would never have been done. But they were done, they're in history now. I'm sorry for making you go into a relationship with me when neither of us have completely healed the wound from our exes. I know it hurts. I know it hurts even more, to have a girlfriend who's much worse than your ex. Yup, I'm fat, and flat, I know you don't aim for girls like me. It was because of me, that you became like that.
Yup, my fault. I'm fine if you dump me. Really. :'/ Just know, that I love you. For real.
And baby, trust me, you were never supposed to have meant so much to me. But you do.. Remember when you sent me the text that said that we'll be so much better than our previous relationships, and that you wanted to stay in my heart? You're standing on it right now. But I don't know if you're going to walk away...
Guess I should just wait.
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