School as usual. Lessons were especially short today. First was Maths, slacked and did some work, then double P.E. Paced SingYing and she ran 17minutes. Then, History. Did work as usual. Recess, slacked with the usual people. English, continued with the song and was with Awesomely Chocolate and got prizes for getting 2nd in place. Then, Science. Played with the M&M tubes with Patrine and kept popping each other until we got warned by Iskander to put them away. After that, headed to Music Room. Met up with Ingrid, Jolene and the others, then headed for practice. Teacher pms-ed as always. :/ Went home, slept.
I saw you turn back when you were walking to the foyer and into the I&E room today when the announcement was made that the teachers wanted to meet all monitors from every level. And I saw you looking towards the canteen when you were done with your D&T. I didn't know if you saw me, but if you did..well...yeah. Haha. And then...I found out that you were beside my sectional practice room. And your class would be there for quite some time because of your injured classmate. So...I kept harping on that fact and kept hinting to Ingrid.
Quite hard to believe that she didn't get mad or annoyed. Then...when you were leaving at 4.45, you looked into the classroom. Our eyes met. I got so scared and I turned around immediately. After that, I cried. Like, on the spot, beside WeiJian and around all the other ErHu members. Ingrid tried cheering me up. Thanks. ♥ Then...while heading back to the Music Room, I saw you again. Outside the I&E room. Your back faced me, and you were with Mr.Tan & Joey. So...I tried to ignore it, but didn't manage to. Until Ingrid told me, "What difference would it make, whether it's him or not."
It made me realize, that no matter how much I pray, how many tears I cry and how much I hope, in the end, it's going to be futile because I know you're never going to look back and even think about me. You're happier without me now. You're better off without me, you don't need to stress yourself to try to cheer me up, you need not risk getting caught texting in class. You can concentrate wholeheartedly on your studies, on helping your class to boost its spirit, on the Teacher's Day dance, and on yourself. It's your own life now.
That was what I thought. But the moment I went home and read the messages that I wrote for you but never got to pass to you, things just contradicted. From my dead spirit, I was lifted up and cheered up once again. And once again, I had the mindset that I should wait for you. I don't even fucking want to even look in the mirror because I can't even recognize myself anymore. And from tomorrow onwards, I'm going to be as how I am now, continuing to be that insane girl that keeps screaming her lungs out and being cheery and just plain stupid. No more writing letters for you in class, no more thinking of you and talking about you to my friends because it'd just annoy them. Yet, deep down, it just hurts so much..
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