You make me feel complete.

Someone that was once a stranger now is the only person you know like the back of your hand. Someone you once had no emotions for, now has the power to break your heart. Someone you used to never hangout with, now owns most of your time. Someone that you thought you’d never love, owns your entire heart. Someone you once lived without, you now wish to hold on forever.

160420111753's:

ZhanSong, thank you for everything, really.

Thank you for being my boyfriend. Thank you for cheering me up all the time when I get sad. Thank you for bothering to even talk to me. Thank you for thinking so highly of me when I'm not good at all(which is why I have so little friends). Thank you for sacrificing your time just to meet me. Thank you for always acting like you're not hurt just to not worry me. Thank you for always making my day. Thank you for being you. Thank you for loving me. I love you, and I want to spend forever with you.

Though I'm such a gutless chicken to not even dare to kiss you, you never minded. And you hugged me and kissed my hair because it was in the way of my cheek(which was still very lovely). And you never got impatient, you always cared, though sometimes you do neglect. But I guess that's normal, since you have your life and you've already sacrificed enough for me. Truly.

I want to be your girlfriend for many years, and throughout this year, next year, and the year after. I want to date you and get to bring you home to meet your in-laws, which are my family members, and I want to meet yours. I want to be able and brave enough to hug and kiss you without feeling nervous or shy or afraid because of others' stares. I want to date you in Polytechnic, then get a job application and even then, be with you. I want to get married with you and have your children. I want to grow old with you. I want to do everything with you, Ong Zhan Song.

I know this is just the beginning of us, but i feel so much for you already. i feel like we’ve been like this for awhile now. you’re everything he never was. you treat me right, you always make me happy. i don’t have to wait for your texts. you don’t reply back with one worded answers. you act like you care, because you really do. i know i can tell you anything, and that you’ll support me. we’re like that cute little high school couple, the one everyone wants, & deserves to get. & the thing is, we both don’t want it to end. we both feel the same way, & if anything happened from this moment on, it would tear us apart.

i’m sitting here crying because i’m so scared. but at the same time i’m so happy i’m falling in love with you. you’re the person i’ve waited for all this time, the person i’ve looked for all my life and when i least expected it you walked into my life. you listen when i talk, are there when i cry and you made me finally smile. i’m crying for the last time i hope, and i trust that you won’t hurt me. it’s so hard for me to trust guys, but you’re worth it to me. so, here’s my heart, see all the little cracks? they’re pretty small and healed nicely, but you, i know, that you’re the one that could make it completely shatter. promise me you won’t, please, promise me you’ll love me forever and that you won’t break my heart. even if you can’t promise me that, i’ll give you my heart anyway. cause i know that if i don’t i’ll regret it for the rest of my life. you’re the only person who is necessary in my life.

 Truly loving someone means always being there for them, no matter wether it’s good times or bad. You want to make that person feel special and make them smile whenever you can. It means knowing that even in darkest times, during the biggest fights - that you will both love each other when it’s over. Having a smile come to your lips when you think of them. Thinking about them when you’re not with them and having your heart race when you know you will be with them soon. It’s wanting to spend the rest of your life with them.

I wish i could still hold you, tomorrow, the next day, forever.  I wish I could still call you mine. I am so happy to have you. I want to say I love you every minute, everyday.  I want tell you that I want you, that i need you, that it is you, only you, and will always be you.  I wish i can just pull you close to me, hug you tight, hold your hand, just so no one could ever take you away from me. I love you.

Right now, at this very moment, all I want to do is sit across from you and talk about life and when we run out of topics, we could just hold hands because that would be enough. But you’re not here and we can’t talk face to face because miles separate us. Well I can smell these flowers you sent, or look at pictures from before, but I can’t wrap my arms around a moment in time. So I sit and think of what we will do when I finally see you again. All I really want to do is enjoy each others company and maybe watch a movie or two about falling in love and growing old together. And maybe you and I could fall in love and grow old together, too and 

I want to take a lifetime to memorize your face.

That one day, some girl will take my spot. That one day a girl will sit with you, laugh with you, smile with you, & have a good time with you. That one day a girl will realize that you’re amazing. That one day that girl becomes your girlfriend. That one day she takes my spot for good. That one day you will forget about me because you’re busy thinking about her. Yeah, that scares me the most. Because, I want to be that girl. I want to be only girl. I don’t want anyone to take my spot. Why? Because, if anyone takes my spot; there won’t be anyone else who can take yours… which is probably going to be the worst reminder that I lost my spot to her.

Heartfelt Kisses.

160420111753, OngZhanSong's.

Right now, I'm really satisfied with my life. I feel blessed. <3 So long as I can spend my days with him, I don't mind doing anything and everything. Even though I got really shy at times and didn't dare to do this and that, but spending those seconds and minutes, maybe even hours, were worth it all. 

BabyZS, you're my everything. Last night, we met, and you walked with me to buy the french fries I always buy every once in a while. And yesterday, you didn't give up on wanting a kiss and a hug. We did manage to hug, but the kiss didn't succeed (BUT AT LEAST GOT PECK), I guess I was really too nervous and shy. :$ I'm sorry BabyZS :(

Anyways, I really love you, okayy. No matter what, I don't want us to ever part. Even though you get horny sometimes, it makes me smile. And your smile is my biggest happiness. Bii, I want to tell you that I've already have placed you first in my heart, as those other previous people like Jonathan and Ted. Bii, I want you to know that you matter most to me, and that I want to last long with you. Actually, forever.

I loved it when you kissed my cheek and when I pecked yours. ♥

I love you, Ong Zhan Song. <3

| 160420111753 | 24042011 | 29042011 |

What guys should do.

Well, taken from Vanessa' Secretkey's blog.

Loving the right person at the right time,
having the wrong person when the time is wrong,
and finding out you love someone right after
that person walks in your life.

And sometimes,
when you see her smile at you,
you’ll suddenly realize that your heart is melting
cause her smile is one in a million,
that they will forever be yours.

For you, caring that girl hard is one way
of expressing how much you love that person.
In my opinion, some are afraid to see the only one they love,
being hurt or suffered...

Most relationships tend to fail
not because of the absence of love.
Is because of trust & faith,
but loving that girl you loved the most,
you was being right.
Love is always present.
It’s just that one was being loved too much,
and the other was being loved too little.

As you know,
the heart is the center of the body,
but it beats on the left.
Maybe that’s the reason why the heart is not always right.
But my heart knows that, loving you was only right.

Most often, we fall in love with the person we really love,
to only discover that, for them, you're just cute in anyway.

---

1. Send her sweet text messages or give her a small lil' sweet note.

2. If your friends are with you, don't dump her walking alone, hold her hand, stay sweet with her.

3. Whenever she asks "Do I look okay?" tell her the truth. Or just say she's gorgeous.

4. Let her mess with your hair 'cause girls usually will play around with you, don't get mad.

5. Sometimes, just pat her on her head/shoulder, to make her feel that she's doted on.

6. Have heart-to-heart talks with her, let her pour her feelings out.

7. Forgive and forget. If you don't, it'll make her very hurt every time you quarrel.

8. Make her feel like she's the only girl in the whole wide world.

9. Hold onto her hand no matter what, even if your friends are there.

10. Let her fall asleep in your warm arms.

11. Kiss her gently on her cheek/forehead.

12. When she's sick, stay with her. This'll make her feel important.

13. Watch scary movies with her, hug her when she's scared, or kiss her on the forehead.

14. When she's upset, stay with her, comfort her.

15. Let her know that no matter what, she's your top priority.

16. Kiss her under the rain.

17. No matter what, always stay with her.

18. If she's sad, ask her what happened, care for her. Tell her you love her.

I love you, ZhanSong. <3

Girls' Thoughts.

Happy 10th Day of being together.

Well, I know it's kinda' lame to make that "10th day" shit up. But I find that this matters. I know it's REALLY lame k. And I know that you're putting your studies as first priority, but you're getting messed up, because of me and your friends who ask you about me and how we're getting along and stuff. I know you're hurt deep inside, but I just don't know what to do to help you. I know, in the name of girlfriend and as your girlfriend, it's pathetic of me to utter such words. But truly, I'm rather tired of believing in love. Sometimes, I just want to cry. So much. And I know, that all the time, that I'm the one always ranting to you. Never you ranting to me. And I know I suck as a girlfriend. :\

Anyways, today, we had lunch together :> And I felt really lonely today, until your Chemistry class w/ Miss Pay was over. I mean, you didn't text, and I thought I was annoying. Well, I know I was. Guess I should keep quiet next time.. So yup, you kinda' wanted to reject my cookies that I haven't baked and told me that I should have it for myself, but your actions, after school, told a whole different story. But I'm glad you liked them. And bii, I'm sorry for not being brave enough to kiss you. Not even a peck.. I'm sorry for not proving my love, to give you my everything. I'm sorry... I just feel..so...unsafe.. Once bitten, twice shy. But know, that my love for you is true. <3.

❝ Another second without you is loneliness. Another minute without you is crave. Another hour without you is torture. Another day without you is heartbreak. ❞
 I love you, Ong Zhan Song.

Hi Dear, most of the times when I wished to have a meal with you, you ain't free for me at all. Those were the times I wished to pour out whatever I've been keeping to myself. Suppose to be a one time thoughts of the day. But due to your busy schedule, I've collected months of thoughts that I was supposed to tell them to you. If I were to meet you again, I'm really unsure of which to start off with, so I kept it to myself again. Another month of thoughts. Well, while I'm free and you're not, I just wish to have your accompany, even just for a day. Now that I'm gone, I wish you do know about my existence in your life, well, before. Upon all the rejections you've given me, in the status of being my friend, I'm utterly disappointed. I felt so cold, so lonely, so unloved, so..unwanted. Telling myself, it's okay, you're busy, to stop myself of thinking too much. What's important to you, is not me. I've discovered some secrets about you, yet I kept it to myself. The moment when you're free to read my blog, I could have left, and no longer by your side. I feel that I'm a pest to you, having to text you every day for a meet up. After being rejected by you as a boyfriend all the time, I gave up in asking for your opinions. I've decided to leave here, leave you, to somewhere I belong and you don't. Somewhere, perhaps I can be able to watch over you, bless you. So, when I'm gone, just carry on.

 Don't get mad when a girl cares too much,

 worry when she starts to not give a fuck.

- Tumblr.

160420111753; Ong Zhan Song's.

Never break me.

Don't ever break my heart, don't ever hurt me. Don't ever leave me, like how Ted did. Don't ever take me for a fool, don't ever walk away. Don't let me go when I leave. Hold me tight, and tell me everything's gonna' be alright. And promise me one thing: always love me, forever and always.

I told you I love you. And you are, truly the one, that I'm really willing to give my heart to. You're the first that cared, the first that loved me and proved it. The first that noticed my negative emotions before everyone else, and the first that bothered and the first that made me feel like I truly matter.

160420111753:

Let's last. Because both of us want this relationship, right? <3


 ❝ To whomever that thinks that I have no taste etc etc etc. I AM VERY SORRY. It's my love life. It's my choice. I made this decision so be it. If you think she ain't good enough for me or I'm not good enough for her, You tell me. @YiLin Zynox's ♥ Otherwise fuck you. And to the god of whatever pricks, everyone knows that you're a pro when we talk about pricks , porn or whatsoever. I AM SORRY AGAIN . It's your problem, so stop bothering my girlfriend. Oh by the way, thankyou very much (: @YiLin Zynox's. ❞

<3.

Insecurities taking over.

I'm really fucking sorry. Sorry for always being so pathetic and losing my cool, sorry to always have you give in to me so that we'd compromise. Sorry to always be such a bother and being able to go out with me with only my brother's permission. Sorry to be like this. Sorry, really. Sorry for losing my cool.

I love you, Ong Zhan Song.

160420111753, and I don't know how long it'll last, now.


Edit (250420112000):

You told me that you are willing to be like this because you believe that every relationship needs sacrifices. I know I didn't sacrifice anything much. And sacrificing my sleep isn't anything big, even though you don't know. I'm sorry for having you be the one to sacrifice. (...) Why do you do this, why do you treat me so good...

A little this and a little that = a sea of emotions.

Do you know what's the sad thing?

The sad thing is that I'm like this. I know I'm short, I'm fucking fat and fucking ugly. I know, like, seriously. I know my attitude is rotten, too. I honestly don't even know why you want to be with me, and why anyone even treats me as a close friend. Like, whatthefuck. Literally. WHATTHEFUCK. I'm actually glad that people know that I'm like this, and I'm actually glad that people call me that. Either that, or I'm just sad that they'd say that when I already know the truth. I know I do a lot of weird stuff, like do that timetable for you and go out with you and keep reaaaaaaaaaal quiet when I'm with you.

And to tell you the truth, I felt like breaking up. I really did. But if it wasn't for yesterday, I definitely would have. Until you told me that if you didn't really have that feeling, you wouldn't have even met me yesterday. And neither would you have done all those things with me, like hold my hand and stuff. I know your friends talk about this behind your back and mine, and I know I made you suffer miserably because I'm the cause of your friends making fun of you now. Like, all the time. And people around kept talking about us wherever we go, whether at the Mac Tables or the Canteen. People talk about it...I know.

And to tell you honestly, I was really upset today, when you told me you had wanted to skip Mother Tongue. I mean, you know you shouldn't have, but you did. And I know that I shouldn't talk about it and should just keep mum because I know that if we talked about this, it'll end up with quarrels and apologies. I know. So I kept quiet. I didn't want to talk at all, so I tried to fake it. Then I remembered Ted's hug from behind... Then remembered you holding my hand. It felt really awkward.. And turned out that nothing happened, until after school at the Canteen. You told me that your friends talked about me, and said that they acted as if they wanted to puke upon seeing me. It got me upset-er to the state I currently am in. But I'm keeping quiet, and I'm blogging. Not even you'd see this. But I really don't know what to do anymore.

I'm really confused.

I tried to believe, and I waited. I did.

Hellooooooooooooooooooo. Went out today with ZhanSong, Xiaofang and TengYao! The day was kinda' screwed up at first- made ZhanSong wait at the MRT Station since 12:25, and arrived finally at like, 1? -.- So yup. Headed to Dhoby Ghaut then changed line to head to Harbor Front. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee! Didn't talk to him like, at all, until he started on topic. :\ So yup, then headed to Food Court. He ate a sandwich, I skipped lunch. Didn't want to eat otherwise I'd make him wait even longer -.-

After he ate, went split ways from Xiaofang and TengYao. Headed to the mooooooooooovies with him and bought tickets for Source Code. :D Was a weird story about someone "going back in time" for 8 minutes to find out the bomber on a Chicago train. He went through a lot I guess. And it turned out he had only half his body left, in reality. Like, ewwwwwww. -.- But I rate moooooooovie 9.5/10! :D

Halfway through, before heading into cinema, bought and ate nachos with him and we were like, weird. REALLY. We didn't talk much, and he told me that the girl(Sammi Lerman) was his ex. Like, his first. Then he said it was to agitate me because I didn't say "I love you" and stuff. =.= It sure worked, smartass. Then headed to weird places to have a look. Window-shopping. Then headed to BATA(Buy And Throw Away) to buy his shoes. He ran out of money to buy his own food ):

So yup. Then headed to the cinema, and since couldn't enter yet, ate the nachos, just a little. Anddddd, well, kinda' fought over $4 because he wouldn't let me pay him back ): Then stuffed in his pocket and he said he'd pay for my next meal. :s Feel badddd. Then he called me a garang guni because I had to take care of his bought shoes, jacket, nachos and drink. -.- Smelt his jacket and remembered his scent(I SOUND LIKE A STALKER HAHAHA.)

Then, inside cinema. Held his hand( he held mine first :< ) then he put his hand over my shoulder and grabbed me. Then he kept doing really intimate stuff and after the movie he kissed me. Like, wtf? That made me really confused for like, REALLY LONG. Throughout the day -.- Then, after movie, stood up and went to meet up with dajie. Walked through the whole place and got kinda' lost and held hands throughout until we met Xiaofang and TengYao. LAWLS. Then went to MRT station.

He noticed my hand, had an infection. Yearly. :\ Then I kinda' emo-ed and thought back on the stuff Ted/Jonathan used to do.. Then he asked if I was okay. Headed to Toa Payoh and parted ways while I headed home with TengYao. He went to SUBWAY to get his mum, sister and sister's boyfriend's SUBWAY meal, while he doesn't get to eat. Mother still wanna ask for KOI, wtf, go bang wall sua. -'-

ZhanSong:

Helloooooo. Okay honestly I don't know if you're treating this relationship real or not. I mean, today, especially. Like...I don't know what to do. And sorry for ruining your day today. :\ I know it sucked.. I know it did. I know I'm a total idiot. *sigh... Don't know what to do nooooooooooooooow.

Jar of Hearts.

You know.. I've really put my feelings into this relationship.

Even though it started out as a game. Even though our personalities don't match.

But thank you for loving me, talking to me, and cheering me up all the time.

Even though I'm so pathetic to always emo like this.

Thank you, Ong Zhan Song.

We've been talking quite often recently, haven't we?

I mean, by texts. We haven't talked since that day, since Ingrid joined us on that day.

You told me you felt awkward. I didn't know what to say, didn't know what I could say.

But even so, you still talked to me.

You even want me to go out with you, or meet up with you.

You'd tell me your whereabouts without me asking.

You'd talk to me and cheer me up if you think I was emoing.

You'd tell me to chill if you think I was pissed.

You'd do things that he had never done, automatically.

And most of all, you're you. I love you. <3

Dreaming a dream in time gone by.

Love is like coffee.

Drink too much and it becomes an addiction and you'll rely on it to keep you awake all the time. Drink it once in a while and you'll enjoy the goodness and pleasure of coffee.

- Edwin Fong.

I guess, it was just me, all along.

Hellooooo. Today was the first day back in school, and the first day of my "relationship" with ZhanSong. When I went into class today, there wasn't much talk. Just that Winny and Amani talked to me about him. Lol. So yeah. We texted almost-the-whole-day, in class, during Recess and such. Then we met outside the Music Room, but he was really quiet.. I felt like an idiot saying "hi" to him and asking him to say something, and I feel bad for having had Ingrid tag along because it was between me and him, nothing to do with her. And, because of me and my "game", he was made fun of by plenty of people from his class, from 3N1, 3N2 and such. I felt really bad. Really.. But then, I asked myself why we talked as if we were really in a relationship.. Was it just his act? Because if it was, well, I'm stupid. Because I've put my feelings into this. I can't believe it, like, seriously? And people like JiaWei and JiaEn kept disturbing me about ZhanSong that I got kinda' pissed. God I'm so childish.

I wish that he felt the same way. I wish that it turned into reality, instead of just a game.

Or maybe, this is just an infatuation..

I need an answer...


Maybe, I wouldn't be so confused.
And maybe, I wouldn't be so reckless.
And most likely, maybe, it wouldn't hurt this much,

If only I didn't put my feelings into this. _|_

I'm really tired of all this, I wish someone could see.

Helloooooooooo world. I'm attached to Ong Zhan Song. HAHAHA. I can't believe Amani, JingHui, Patrine, Victor and WeiXiang really believes that I'm attached. But, out of everyone that had liked the status and wished us to last long, only WeiXiang and Victor knows that it's a fake. But, honestly, after a few minutes of completely dead Facebook, with no comments nor wall posts nor private messages nor Facebook chat, well, I thought of Ted again. I wish he'd see. It's likeeee, I really wish he'd get jealous, or somethingg. But I doubt he would. Anyways! Honestly, I think that I might really like him and it might nor be a fake relationship.. I meannnnnn, well, he's a nice guy. But most of all, he reminds me of Ted, a lot.. ):