ACES Day & Teacher's Day Celebration.

ACES day today. Wore contacts to school. Went to class, put my bag, went to the canteen to get my drink and met up with Patrine, then went down to class again, then to the parade square. And turned out, the P.E Leaders didn't have to go up so I'm like, happygirl97. ;) But, still had to dance. :( After that, went back to class and it was double English. Slacked there and continued on Jiawei's present, and Patrine kept making up all sorts of nonsense. LOL.

After that, Mother Tongue. Had to hand up my work and after that was Science. Slacked around, took photos with MinHao's iPhone4 and...

Another photo with Patrine! ;) *I look like I'm wanting to laugh so hard but can't, LOL.

Photo with the keychain, supposedly for zs, 7th February.

Photo credits to Fenna, taken at the appropriate time. LOL. A little blur though.

So yup. After that, had Recess for 50 minutes. Went around the school with Sabine and Patrine, met up with Ingrid to pass her the consent form, then went alone with Patrine to the canteen, talked to Qirong and Minhao. Disturbed Ingrid and saw Xianhui, I think. And then, Jolene and the girls that were in the group came in. Got screamed at. ._. And...you came in. I didn't hear you say anything but...Patrine said you sighed.

After that, headed to the class and to the Hall to assemble. First performance was by the female teachers, Miss Chiang, Miss Zhou, Miss Yu and Miss Kang, and Kief(?) from 1E2. Then, Azman's band. Followed by Ted&Karl, with I'm Yours and Hey Soul Sister merged as one, awesome max! Lastly, your group. ;) Out of the three, Ted&Karl emerged as champions, your group was second, which was also first runner-up.

Had award giving, Mr.Rosli received Most Friendly Teacher award, Mr.Wong received Best Dressed Teacher award, Mr.Sugu and Mrs.Tay received Most Fatherly Teacher award and Most Motherly Teacher award respectively. Performance by the Malay teachers and sec1s, Artini and Akika were included. After that, had to go back to class 'cause Chamb wanted us to clean our class. Had a nice chat with Kamsari(as a class), then went to find Ingrid to pass her Jiawei's gift. Went home after that, texted you and talked to you. Happygirl97! ^^

Strawberrytelle.

It’s love when the only thing you want to see are his eyes gazing into yours. When the only thing you want to feel are his arms around you. When the only thing you want to taste are his lips against yours. When the only thing you want to smell is the gentle scent of his skin. And when the only thing you want to hear is his voice, telling you how much he loves you. ♥

Falling apart.

Everything's falling apart. My class is in total chaos and our new class group should just be renamed as anti-Sabine. Seriously. I'm sick and tired of our quarrels, rumors, badmouths. Just so tired of all these drama, just hoping there's someone out there who agrees with me, who also feels that it's tiring and lame and stupid to even think about it.

Anyways, yesterday, I didn't go for Chinese Orchestra. Fell ill. Slacked around outside the Music Room and met up with Ingrid, Jiawei and the rest. Been rather awkward around Jiawei recently, but at the same time, feeling closer to him, too. Okay that just sounds wrong. Never mind. So...talked, slacked, then Miaoxuan accompanied me all the way to the d&t staircase and even sent me off, so sweet! ^^ LOL.

Outside of school, I was with my parents and in the car. I turned to one direction(my right), I saw Mark. I got so shocked, and I think he saw me too. Hurriedly turned to the other direction and it wasn't any better, because I saw you. ._. You looked angry, don't know why though.. So...our eyes met for about a second, I think.

Turned away immediately and felt so frightened. Even though I keep saying I want to say hi to you, well..secretly, I'm running away. Running away, hiding from you. And I'm afraid that I might never be able to see nor talk to you ever again while looking at you in the eye, 'cause I'm afraid of the memories that will haunt me once again. Well, they still are haunting but...I've learnt to live with it.


2E2'11, 1E2'10, Erhu'11, Chinese Orchestra'11, I'm sick of you.

Once in a lifetime experience.

School today as usual. Saw you talking to your friends and you were outside the inSpace for some time before heading back to your class to mark your class' attendance. Today, classes were much more solemn strangely. Everyone was quiet and no one was in the mood to have fun, not even Yongjun and Zhicheng. Recess, saw Felicia with other 3N3 pupils at the Mac Tables, then Felicia whispered something and all of them turned to me all of a sudden. Frightened the shit out of me. ._.

Then, Science followed by double D&T. Went to the workshop and was working on my project with Patrine. PC at the end of the day, Miss Yap said that she wanted to ask for my parents to meet up but she gave me another chance so I'm not in trouble. ;) After school...was the most awkward moment of my whole BHSS life.

Patrine, Fenna, Sabine and I were at the canteen. We saw Jiawei, Alvin and the rest. Yeehuan and Joey went to the canteen as well, followed by the whole group of guys- you, Karthik, Yuenfone, Mark and the rest. They spotted me and your friend shouted to you to say hi. I got so awkward, and you were smiling and laughing. I didn't know why but you were.. I didn't, in the end, and they said, "Walao eh." After that, I was still at the drinks' stall and Hiran and Amani were there too. You came in and bought your drink, you didn't turn back. We left and I saw Mark and the rest looking this direction.

I got so scared and I headed to the Mac Tables immediately. After that, we were slacking around. You went for the games thing with your class. Patrine wanted to look so...I went with them and went to the parade square and watched your class from there for just a few seconds. Then, we sat outside the band room and waited, and waited, and waited.. After that, the girls came in followed by you guys after changing. You were the first guy of your class that I saw, when I turned my head to my right. I got so scared and I avoided eye contact. Supriadi and Jiawei called me by your name, too.. And Jiawei apologized.

Imperfection.

Didn't update yesterday 'cause I was super tired and went to sleep, and after I woke up I didn't want to so yeah. No one cares anyways so I guess it's my choice to see if I want to blog or not I guess?

Yesterday:
School-ed as per usual. Passed by you outside the canteen, but I turned away.. Stayed back after school and saw a lot of people that I didn't really want to see, and you were having some workshop and left only at 5.30.

Today:
Felt really unwell but still managed my way to school. Went to school and met up with Patrine. Headed to the canteen and saw you, eye contact for a second and I turned away while you continued talking to your friend, behind the pillar which was in front of the drinks stall. Went back and went again with Fenna. This time, you were gone. Went for FunFit duty with LiMing and met up with Amani and ZhiCheng. Went to the gym with Karamjit and the Bravo group. Said hi to ChinMing and Joyomitro while going back to the street soccer court to collect my bag with ZhiCheng and headed back to class.

Classes as usual. Literature, then History, and for the first time, I didn't sleep in Science class and was in fact, participating in the practical activities Iskandar wanted us to do. :o Recess, with Fenna and Patrine. Changed and went back to class. CME, slacked around and then, double Maths. Scored 32/50 for my Maths test, happygirl97! ^~^ *applause* But, failed my History and Chinese, by 3.5 and 1.5 marks respectively. F U C K. Went to Square 2 and United Square with Patrine, Fenna, Winny and Sabine.

Back to school and passed by Jordan and Sean. Saw Karthik going down while we were going back to school and parted ways with Fenna and Winny as they went for Dance rehearsal. Was slacking outside the hall and Patrine and Sabine were enthusiastically anticipating Zs' performance while I kept hiding. Colin was there, too. Joey, Yeehuan and Jolene passed by me and Jolene guailan-ed. First was Azman's group, then Ted&Karl, then 3E2. The dance was amazing but...hilarious at the same time. Couldn't stop laughing and Yeehuan kept looking this way while you were dancing away happily..


I wish I was the girl that everyone liked. I wish I was the girl that was flawless, and beautiful. I wish I was the girl that was famous all around school. I wish I was the girl that no one hated. I wish I was the girl that you would love. Sometimes, I just dream of perfection. I just wish, that hate didn't exist. That love didn't exist. Sometimes, I just dream a little too much. I keep thinking that..you'd come back. But every single time I see you, my heart just breaks a little more than I can handle. My mum and friends recently asked me how I'd be celebrating my birthday. I don't know what to tell them. I want to celebrate with you just like how Joey did but..we're not talking, we're not friends, we've had a past. I know how awkward it'll be so I guess it's just my imagination but secretly, I just wish..

I've been feeling really unwell lately. There's been some problems in my body that I've no idea how to put in words nor describe, and I feel like I'm a completely different person. It just feels so uncomfortable and I feel so...unbelonging. I don't know what's going on but..I'm scared. I'm scared of what might happen to me. I don't want to regret anything nor have anything wrong with me at such a young age. I'm not even 14 yet. And for the first time in my life, I really need someone here to tell me everything's going to be alright, that nothing will go wrong, that it's just my hallucinations working up. But...even if they do tell me, something just doesn't feel right. And right now, I just want to hug you and tell you how much I miss you. I just..am thinking too much. And I've no idea how to tell you at all, so I just keep bottling it up, time and again.

Somehow.

Somehow, I feel that...I don't really care anymore. Now that I look at the tumblr posts, now that I think real hard and deep enough.., I just feel that nothing's important anymore. Because somehow, with or without you, life still goes on. I'm actually amazed of myself being able to laugh even during the period when I was at my worst state of mind- during the holidays. Even though now, I don't smile much anymore, I still feel like there's some hope out there. But...I bet, tomorrow, those feelings will return. I want to say hi, just say hi. And...I want to watch your rehearsal for Teacher's Day. I want to be able to see you and be able to have eye contact with you without feeling any fear and be able to say hi. I don't want us to become strangers again, I don't want you to have a new crush. But things will change, nothing can remain forever.. I miss you, babyboy.

All that matters now is that I'm still here for you.

"If a guy lets you go, he really loves you." I found this on some weird blog that I ended up on after blog-hopping for some time, about 100 facts about guys that girls should know. I'm not sure if this is true, but I do know that your feelings are dead, not that you love me. Fooling and deceiving myself seems to be a daily routine now, ehs? How foolish can I get, seriously.


Anyways, school today. Ingrid didn't come to school. :c Spent the morning slacking and barely talking to anyone except for Patrine and Fenna. P.E, I saw you going back to your class while I was heading for P.E. You came at my direction in your P.E, with Kiki. I got rather jealous, but just ignored it. Then...you vanished. Your class headed to play games, the guys went to basketball/soccer. You were there. Patrine and I slacked by the side, and I saw you again. Patrine said...you looked this way. Did you? :/

After that, double MT. Had to write a letter of complaint, then D&T. Headed to the D&T workshop and started on my project's base and I didn't get to see you. Went back to class, halfway through outside the band room, I saw you. And, Patrine told me you were walking towards my direction when Mrs Ang caught me for folding my skirt. Recess, ate with Patrine and Fenna. After that, double Art. Combined tables with Fenna and MinHao, renamed the United Nations (Y). Drew and completed my work.

Science, slacked. History, had to copy notes as usual. Then...Assembly. Before going to the hall, bumped into Miss Yap and gave her the repentance letter to redeem my books that she had confiscated. You walked past, and I tried to ignore you but still glanced at you. You walked behind me.. Together with the guys. Then followed by the girls, they started harassing Miss Yap so Winny, Fenna, Patrine and I decided to head to the hall. Saw you sitting at the front of your class, saw Colin and Janice, too.

Following after that, headed to 3E2 classroom to collect the books, saw Monica, Yingshan and the rest, together with Hongyu, doing their F&N retest. Had to remain silent before Miss Yap finally got the books. Collected mine and headed off with Patrine and Fenna, went different ways with Fenna and to the staff room and collected stuffs that Miss Yap assigned Fenna to take. Thanks to Mrs Lim, we managed to enter the staff room. Went to the Music Room and to the Hall, back and fro. Performed for the judges from the Marina Barrage, we were up to their standard and were to perform on 090911. :D

Do you?

Do you? I've heard from my friends that you do look when I'm not looking but I've never believed it was true. Do you?

Fantasies.

I still remember how you used to promise me things. I still remember you telling me that you wanted to marry me one day and telling me a story when I asked you to tell me a bedtime story. It was really short and it didn't look like it meant much to a third party, but to me, it was what made me happy and I really felt like I had you in my arms. I still remember you telling me that you wanted to go out with me someday, I still remember you telling me you wanted to hug me for god-knows-how-long before letting go, after the examinations' period. I still remember how you used to tell me I'd never lose you. I still remember you promising you'd never break me. But, you did.. You left. Forever...

It's Monday tomorrow. I fell out with Singying and Patrine knows about it. Fenna doesn't, and Fenna doesn't even know that Sy's ignoring her and she's still treating Sy as her best friend. I'm just afraid that...she'd get hurt in the end. Also...both our classes will be having P.E first thing in the morning tomorrow. I'm scared, scared that I'd see you and break down. I don't know.. *sigh.

Every night I just kept thinking, wouldn’t it be nicer if I could sleep in your warm hug ? Wouldn’t it be great when I wake up early in the morning to get your warmest and gentle kiss ? But every thing is I WISH.

Tried and tried but I just can't fulfill it.

I hope you're doing fine. 'Cause I don't really want to ask anyone nor know the answer. :/ Hope everything's fine and you're fine and coping well, hope it won't affect you too much. Take care of yourself, because I can't help but only be able to watch you. And...I've never cried as much as I did last night. Everything just crashed and I was burying my face under my pillow and just crying my heart out. No one heard.. No one knew, no one cared. And even after what happened last night.., I still do look at your profile. I went through our old posts, I went through your texts, your photos again..

Anyways, it's my brother's Chinese birthday today. So...happy birthday bro! And, Chengyong came up to my house today early in the morning. Went to the coffee shop below my house to have a feast with my parents, brother, Gibston, Chengyong and Aaron. Went back up to the house while my parents went to my mother's boutique and currently slacking at home.